Trump's Pick for Secretary of State: Pump #4, Linwood St. Detroit MI Mobil Station

President-Elect Trump completed his cabinet today by appointing Pump #4, 13535 Linwood St Detroit MI, Mobil Filling Station as the next U.S. Secretary of State. Trump cited his victory in Michigan as the most emblematic of his election and the reason for rewarding the State with the honor of appointing one of its own to the top diplomatic post in the U.S. Government.

Mr. Trump lauded what he called Pump #4's numerous qualifications: "It works 24 hours with no breaks for zero pay. It's the ideal model of an American worker. What better than a paragon of the U.S. economic engine to run our relations with the rest of the world? It speaks the universal language of 'Oil." Every country in the world understands Oil. In my meetings with Pump #4, it let me do all the talking. That's smarts. It's really something. It knows how to respect my authority and can spew toxic sludge all over everyone else. Just point it at a problem, pull the trigger, light a match. ISIS is gone in a 3 minute blaze of gasoline fire. What could I say? I'm a fan. Big fan. Give it the job. Done. What's next on my agenda?"