To No One's Surprise, Trump Asks His Electors to Vote for Putin

Daunted by the prospect of taking on yet another career for which he has zero aptitude, President-Elect Trump has moved from interviewing transition candidates to personally meeting with each of his 306 electors to ask them to cast their votes for Russian President Vladimir Putin. Trump has already arranged for local police, border patrol agents and Republican majorities in both Houses of Congress to support the coup so Putin can overcome his Constitutional ineligibility to serve. Trump expressed confidence that the general public would be too contentedly immersed in their cell phones to take any action to oppose the move. Trump was quoted as saying, "They did nothing – a few small street gatherings, smaller than my rallies – so, really nothing, when we stole the election. So why would they do anything now?"

The latest survey of voters from PPP shows that Trump voters overwhelmingly support the move, with 89% of them "strongly agreeing" with the statement that "Putin is a better leader than Obama." Trump confided off the record that he's much more excited by the prospect of running the upcoming season of The Apprentice than running a country, calling the job of The President "boring, really. really really boring and beneath me."