Reince Priebus Confirms: Changed Name at 18 to Stick it to His Parents

Reince Priebus confirmed today that he once actually possessed a real human name: Gabriel Cohen, but that in a fit of wild rebellion from his parents, retaliating against them for declining to buy him spinning rims on his new Mustang for his 18th birthday while he was still "under their roof and their rules" as an older high school senior, Cohen stormed off to the Brown County Courthouse and paid $800 of his weekly allowance to give himself, in his words, "the most arbitrary assemblage of letters I could come up with at the time that could still be vaguely pronounced" as a legal name.